The journey of letting my anger go began on a day I do not remember.  I wish I did know the exact date and time, because I think I would celebrate it like another birthday!  I guess it should be my clean date.  The day I pulled a “Forrest Gump” and said, well I have had enough now.  I’m done!  If one told me I would sit here today and smile at all of the past trials and tribulations, they would have been “told.”  I will spare you with the cliché, “my scars are signs of my strength.”  Please, let’s be real.  People lie when they say they have NO regrets.  Really?  I regret maxing out all of my first credit cards at 18!  That is a lesson I would have preferred to have not learned the hard way.  I could have gone my entire life without the heroin addiction!  There are some lessons I am grateful for.  Some.

How did I ever get so angry in the first place?  There is the obvious of course.  Rape has a tendency to produce that effect.  Did my anger start much earlier than that miserable evening?  I remember that day in the second grade, I stared at a math workshit full of double-digit subtraction problems and the tears flowed.  Those tears flowed like a city pipe busted.  What I do know is I’m not here to try to figure out how, why or when I became angry.  I’m not going to go and lay on a therapist’s sofa and rehash the past.  My past does not define me.  Cliché?  Yes, however it is a truthful one!   I’ll give the past this, I have learned from it.  Unfortunately I will probably always “mean mug” men while out in public alone.  Other than that, the past is the past!

So here I am!  I’m not a victim.  I’m a veteran, the proudest canine mother you will ever meet, educated, home owner, (apparently you are supposed to be proud of this… if I can find a rental situation that meets my standards I AM ON IT!) aspiring law student and happy!  Of course I have days I look up and say, “really?”  Who doesn’t?  Well, maybe excessively medicated people.  We all know those souls are not really living life anyways.

If you are reading this and thinking to yourself this annoying bitch and her happy-go-lucky self, I understand.  Hate away!  Haters are always welcome.  Keep reading and I’ll let you know slowly what I started to do until one day I realized, the anger had left and peace was surfacing.  Winston was correct, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

 

 

 

 

 

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